It's tough. You walk around feeling lifeless. Living day to day. Going through life one moment to the next. Passing by people and hating them for no real reason. Hating your surroundings. Hating what your life has become and yet, having to put on a facade. An act put on to try and convince yourself that your life means something. You try to be okay. You try to distract. You try to make peace. You try to convince yourself that things will be okay. You try to pray. You try to live. Yet that loneliness. The feeling of isolation and desertion. That never goes.
On nights like tonight I can't help but hate myself. I grew up alone. Yet I was happy. Then she came along and showed me what company could bring. Now, alone. Forever. Lost. Lonely. Helpless.
I don't deserve her. I never did. But the pain of needing somebody who you may never talk to or even see again is just getting unbearable. The time will finally arrive when I truly cannot live without her. I try to convince myself day to day, that I'm ok. That I'll survive. But deep down I know that day will come. And when that day comes, I know I have no one to turn to.