Life is like a revolving door. People come. Some linger. But almost all of them eventually leave. It's one of the unchanging facts about life. For most people, there is just that one person who lingers, a constant in a life filled with variables. That one person who means everything to you.
I had that one person. With me. By my side. But she now wants to leave, be among those moving in and out through that revolving door. Do I stand by, watch her walk away, into the distance, never to return? I could. I could lose her. Forever.
No, I can't do that. Not her. Never her. That smile on her face, that god damn hauntingly beautiful smile. It makes one feel light on his feet. Makes him hear the fluttering of the wings of a butterfly, the chirping of the birds and the cool breeze fluttering through the air. Above all, her smile makes the world seem a nice place, full of hope. Full of dreams.
She places her hand on the handle of the door. Pushes at it. The door begins to spin. I feel a cold rush in my stomach. Like someone unplugged a drain in my stomach causing my insides to swirl around viciously. Begging and pleading. That only makes her run away faster.
Easier, it would be, if we could just erase our memories. We've even had a movie dedicated to that idea, 'The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'. But in the movie, the protagonist, as I refused to let her go, that one magical person.
Now, you may ask, how? How do you know that she is that one constant? A simple enough sounding question. A difficult one to answer though. You could give in an umpteen number of answers.
As a rule, my first reaction to people is to dislike them. I know, it's not very healthy, but some character flaws are just that. Anyway, you wonder why out of nowhere, I pulled out that seemingly random statement of fact about me. Well, it's not random, it's quite relevant.
She was the first person, nay, the only person ever, who instantly charmed me. I didn't need to talk to her, I didn't need to hear her voice, I didn't need to spend hours with her. It just happened.
But hours of our childhood we did spend, talking, laughing, joking. As you might have guessed, a person who's instinctive reaction to people is dislike, can get pretty lonely sometimes. But till I met her, the loneliness never bothered me. I liked being aloof. I liked keeping to myself, in my own world, far from the matters of the world, that I found trivial. But she got me, hook, line and sinker.
It takes a lot to pull an introvert out of his shell. It takes a lot to make a distrusting person, trust on sight. She has that for me. That gift. Like a magnet she sucked me out of shell.
But. Sometimes, people can be undeserving of that one person. Undeserving of love. Undeserving of happiness. Undeserving, of the right to be happy. As I run after her into the night, praying for the best, deep down I know, that I am among them.
I see her smile floating in everything around me. The breeze carries the gentle waft of the smell of her sweet hair. I hear her laughter ringing in my ears. I feel those cold yet soft hands, waiting to be held gently. I run after her, relentlessly. Giving up is not an option. Not with her.
Not, the one.
Continue Reading »
